Feb. 8, 2021

Episode #4 - Navigating The Crucial 'In-Between' Times

A jam-packed episode: if you only listen to one episode make sure it's this one.
The finding of lost things is a marathon, not a sprint. Hannah Velten yearned to find her brother, Christian, quickly after it became apparent he'd gone missing in Africa, but it took her 18 years to find all the missing pieces of him, herself and the story; and then climb 'the second mountain' of transformation. There were massive leaps of truth, clarity and understanding along the way, but most of the time was an 'in-between time' which required Hannah to discover and master a whole set of new tools and also, crucially, cultivate the patience to surrender, rather than fight and/or stew in frustration and despair. During these times of pause (Covid lockdowns, etc) and irrespective of what healing and transformation you're searching for, Hannah is going to share with you the main lessons she learnt with regard to navigating (and speeding up) those 'in-betweens' when nothing productive seems to be happening. How can we really see what's going on? How can we learn to trust ourselves and the process? How can we get ourselves ready to co-create our future?

Illustration: In-Between Rainbow - F.A.S (Hannah's 9yr old daughter)

Theme Tune: Great White Shark - performed and written by Laura Gardner


🌈  'Truth' and 'Flow' readings were taken from our book 'Lost & Found: The 8-Pointed Pathway to Healing and Growth After Loss' - available from: https://www.hannahvelten.online/lost-and-found-book

🌈 The article where I wrote about my rock bottom moment in December 2016: 'The Year I Found My Brother (Almost)': https://hannahvelten.medium.com/the-year-i-found-my-brother-almost-de398c05851f

🌈 BJ Miller's New York Times article which triggered me to see how I could use my experiences to help others: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/03/magazine/one-mans-quest-to-change-the-way-we-die.html

🌈 Jon Morrow's 'Unstoppable' blog which talked about a counterpunch to a situation which floors you - I got bodily chills reading it: https://unstoppable.me/life-lessons/

🌈 Neil Gaiman's 'Make Good Art' speech, which inspired me to reach for impossible goals and to fully show my emotional self. This version is re-read in 2018: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jhbuwkb0kdY

🌈  My article about walking with Steve Homewood, his Grandad being in the jungle, the lessons he passed on about receiving truths and really listening and more about the thin-lipped mullet's healing process: https://hannahvelten.medium.com/african-lessons-retold-in-sussex-1d8723b06e48

🌈 If you are in need of 'The Emergency Grief Kit' I downloaded from Spirit, the three films can be accessed for free here: https://www.hannahvelten.online/emergency-grief-kit

Transcript

Hannah speaking (00:00):

Hello, everybody. And welcome. Come on in, come next to the fire. We've got a fire for you. I'm in Southeast England and it's a wintery night. There's a scattering of snow on the ground. Not enough for the kids to be happy about, but there we go. So, yes, do come in. I want to tell you a couple of stories this evening in the good old fashioned way, the ancient art of storytelling, and these stories I want to tell you, you’ll take what you need from them. I know last week somebody kindly who got in touch with me and said that - we were talking last week about a grieving process - this lady actually hadn't had a loss in terms of a bereavement, but she’d had a physical reaction to what we were saying.

(00:55):

And so much of what we were saying she could relate to. So you don't need to have had a bereavement, to get the most out of these programs. So, yeah, my week, last week, I was so tired last week after the show. And then for a couple of days, I literally had an energy crash, which I don't have very often, and I wondered why I'd had it. So, I sat down with my tarot cards and my Oracle cards that I use to try and sort of get an idea of what the next show is going to be about. So, I'll tell you what I got, and then I'll tell you the story and then you can see where it's going. The cards showed that it was an ‘in-between’ time, which means to me that it's like a pausing time where you've kind of finished one project or you've had a revelation, or you've had some kind of trauma that you've kind of processed to a certain degree, and then you have this sort of break.

(02:07):

Now my ‘in-between’ times in the past have been exhaustion because I've been searching for Christian or I've been trying to really fight to get something done. And it always ends in tears and exhaustion. The other times I’ve had these kinds of ‘in-between’ times, as I say, I've sort of finished one thing and there's something on the horizon, but I'm not quite ready for it yet. So last week was very much a time of regaining my energy and also doing some reflection. I mean, we had last week those three cards from the ‘Earth Magic’ oracle deck, which were all about reflection, completion and breathing, being out in nature. So I took that advice last week. The other sort of ‘in-between’ time is when you have that kind of peace where nothing seems to be happening in life, I mean, it's almost like a lull; in fact, COVID and all these lockdowns it's very much that isn't it. We’ve kind of got used to this sort of stillness; we’re all in… hiatus - I'm getting that word - just like we're all on a pause, a very elongated pause.

(03:21):

And we know there's good stuff coming, but we're processing what's happened and also trying to cope with, you know, what's going on at the moment for us in our lives. For me, particularly, that's like homeschooling, which is also adding to the exhaustion, but there's always something new on the horizon, there's a glimpse of something that we can't quite see, but we know there's a lot of potential there. So I don't know if that's speaking to a lot of people at the moment. I wanted to like get a bit more into these ‘in-between’ times because we all have them. We all have them and it's a sort of cycle that we have. How do you make use of that ‘in-between’ time when you can get so frustrated? You have to have patience.

(04:15):

Yeah. So you can get frustrated, you can get angry, asking ‘when I'm doing everything that I possibly can be to make something work, why is it not working?’ And the story I'm going to tell you has aspects of that for me in it. It's a time where you're forced to stop. Essentially. Just nothing seemed to be working. Nothing's really moving. But the thing is to make the most of that time. And this is a hard lesson I've learned over many, many years. The best thing you can do is like surrender to it. And this is the time when it's the most fertile. I mean, we're coming into spring for the Northern hemisphere - you can see [behind me on a shelf] my daffodils are just starting to open up. There's this feeling that there’s possibility, there's something new there, but we can't go towards it until we're ready, or it's not going to be revealed until we're ready.

(05:20):

And this is a massive point where truths get unveiled. Now, truths, I'm going to just read you a little something. This is a book that Christian and I wrote ‘Lost & Found’. And here’s a little something we wrote - it was actually downloaded in a letter - about truth. {Hannah reading from the book}

“Ah, the truth often so sought after, but actually the truth can be terrifying or rather the thought of receiving the truth, especially if your whole life and being revolves around the truth. Do you dare to find out the truth? Will it make you sad, mad, or even more fearful to hear the truth? Probably… initially. But we will never show you the truth until you are ready to receive it.

(06:25):

We will reveal truth layer by layer and provide you with all the support in the run-up to the reveal and all the aftercare we can provide. All you have to be is open to our guidance, support and care. Truth, while scary in parts, is actually the healing mechanism. Truth is honest, no deceit or denial. It is clarity. It is reality. Once you know the truth, you know what you face. You know your enemy, you know your foe. You have all the answers you need to reflect and act. The reflection is very important… you need to learn how to breathe properly. Truth begets healing in a calm and loving space.”

So that was downloaded from spirit by me. And this is really what truth is… we don't want to know in many ways, you know, I didn't want to know that my brother was dead.

(07:22):

Ugh - it was the biggest truth I was fighting against for… 15 years, more than that, probably actually. But as the note from spirit said, you know, I was ready when I was told the truth (and when Christian was told the truth that he died), we were ready and we were able to then act on that information. It was actually quite calm once the truth had been revealed to us, but I guess we had always known the truth. Really. We all had known the truth. You know, Christian had disappeared. It'd been years and years and years. We'd had no news, no nothing. So we/in my heart, you know, I'm sure if we're all honest in our hearts, we knew that he was dead. And that gut feeling, I know we talk a lot about inner knowing and actually opening up to the truths because yes, there's a lot of the truth that we don't want to hear.

(08:35):

And a lot of those truths are going to be emotional things that we're not wanting to see. So that could be your real emotions about something. You know, I had real anger towards Christian, which I never really allowed to come up to the surface, but that was all part of the healing process that I had to allow all these emotions to come up - all the truths, all the deepest, darkest emotions that I was feeling - they had to come up. So that was one truth. Other truths can come in terms of mindset. So for me, that was the fact that I didn't really believe that Christian would come home or that I would be able to get him home. So that was part of a mindset that I had to completely change about myself. There's also, you know, physical things that happen that we sort of deny are happening.

(09:36):

So yeah, there's all these different truths that are there waiting to be revealed, but they won't be revealed unless you’re ready and to be ready there has to be an intention to receive the truths. And that's very important, you know: you have to say, I am willing to hear these truths. And then there's an element of opening, like being open to hearing these truths. And that comes from, you know, truths are going to come to you in all sorts of different ways. So I'll just sort of run through the ways. There's an inner knowing. So like a gut feeling, I guess, so that you really, really do know something and like really listen to those, really listen to those. You might hear something. So like an inner hearing, like certain phrases that you kind of hear spoken almost; they have to come from a loving space,

(10:39):

otherwise it's going to be like your brain/fear taking over. So they have to be loving and supportive words that you're hearing. You might also see things. So you might have a vision, suddenly see something, or you might have in your dreams, you might have a truth revealed. You might feel some things. So you might have the chills in the back of your neck or, yeah, the body chills and all of those sorts of bodily sensations. And then you might have the sensing. So, I think I've missed one out there. I'm sorry…

(11:22):

Smelling as well. I used to smell… my grandfather's smoked. He smoked cigars and I used to smell this cigar smell around at certain points when the golf was on. Cause he loved golf. So I could always smell him around. And then you've also got tasting. I think chefs and people who are very much using their taste buds all the time can also clear sense things with taste. So these are all the different ways that truths can be revealed. So you'll have a reaction or your hear something, or you'll see something then it's like, what are you going to do with these truths? And this is really important, in that once you're open and you're listening for truths, it's really important to then act on these truths. If you don’t, you will, in my case, which I'll tell you about in a minute, I was told again and again, but it was a truth I didn't want to hear. You keep being told them, they keep coming back to you. They keep being repeated. So

(12:27):

Yeah, you must act on all the truths that you hear, on the information that you're given…

So, yeah, all these new new horizons are there. And I know hearing the truth and recognising the truth is difficult. I know!

(12:46):

But with those new horizons, that's where you're going to find your freedom. Truth really does set you free and it's going to be little truths…so I always think of it like you're given a gift and you have to unwrap the gift. So you're not going to be given all the truths at once. You're going to be given layers of truth, like an unwrapping; the layers of an onion, you know, peeling the layers of an onion. They're going to come slow and steady. And you're only going to be given what you need at the time to move on to the next level. So this sort of ‘in-between’ time is really where you're going to get truths and what you need. Cause a lot of this, a lot of the time, when you think, ‘Oh, what's missing from my life? What do I want in my life? What's missing?’ You're thinking about what you want, but there's a big difference very often between what you want and what you need. Like I wanted my brother back. I wanted to find him, I wanted our relationship to go back to normal. Although it wouldn't have been very back to normal, but you know what I mean. What I actually needed was to…

Speaker 1 (14:04):

well, I'll go into the story in a minute… but what I really needed was to sort myself out and to understand my abilities, my skills, my powers that I had, that I was actually giving away to other people. And if we'd found Christian early on, we wouldn't have had any of this growth, this transformation, this story, to tell others, to inspire others and empower others. So I completely understand why we had an awful lot of ‘in-between’ time, because there was so much to this story and the purpose of Christian going missing and what we were going to do with it. So if you're in a similar position to myself, maybe something has happened to you, something life-changing has happened to you. And you're also thinking about what can I actually do with my experience? Like there's a whole second mountain that I've had to climb from finding Christian and sorting out our relationship and then using what's happened to actually help others.

(15:14):

And that's a whole different level of skills and abilities, and it's all been a huge learning curve, but thankfully I love an adventure and I love taking risks. You have to be able to take risks. And a lot of the cards that I had last week, it was all about, you know, using this ‘in-between’ time and finding the opportunities. Like getting still, becoming open and really, really listening and finding the opportunities and taking those risks and those actions. So I think that's all I need to say to introduce the theme, but I want to tell you this story. So we're going to go back right to 15th of December, 2016. And this was the time when I reached a complete rock bottom. I had had a dream on the 15th of December, 2016. I wrote in my journal: “Had dream that Christian not coming back, severe pain in my heart. First time I'd ever had that dream. Usually he comes back and we hug tears, et cetera.” Now, at that point I had been in a downward spiral for probably eight months. And it was a time where from mothering Sunday - so that's late March 2016 - the search for Christian had been reignited after sort of 13 years of him being missing. I won't go into that now because it's not that important. But I went on social media and worked for six months to try and find him. Ugh… I put all my faith in knowing that I could find Christian, but I was listening to a lot of outside sources that were telling me things. And I was being led down pathways that if I'd been listening to myself, I probably wouldn't have taken. So yeah, this search for Christian was all on social media.

(17:28):

There was a lot of interest in it. I had the newspapers, I had TV channels, the story reached Australia. We had… Oh dear, I was talking in Africa to the newspaper editors to try and get free coverage. I tried everything, absolutely everything to get Christian back. I was locked onto the target and I didn't care who was watching. I didn't care what it was saying, how emotional I was. My focus was just on Christian. I don't know if he's actually going to appear here [Hannah pointing to her left side where Christian’s photo sits through out the show] This is my brother; seeing as we're talking about him! It was all consuming. My poor family. Ugh, we fell out an awful lot during those six to eight months, an awful lot, about what I was doing, but I was not going to listen to anybody. I was going to find my brother.

(18:26):

Yeah, I got to the point where I'd hit every single brick wall there was. There was nothing I could do. It was almost like I was retraumatizing myself. It was almost like the second time that I'd lost him because he wasn't coming forward. And I was fully sure that he was still alive at this point. So it was like, ‘why aren't you coming forward, Christian?’ But they were sightings [supposedly] of him; and all sorts of things went on…  I wrote in my diary [on 6th December 2016] “Not got the drive left to carry on ‘searching’. If he wants to be found, Christian will have to come forward on his own accord. END OF…” I was like deadly upset and deadly angry (again) with him. I was so angry; really, because I had unmet expectations. You know, I expected the social media search to work.

(19:23):

I'd expected Chris to come forward. I'd wanted to be the one to find him when all the other searches had failed. And I expected our sort of childhood bond to work miracles. And, you know, no wonder I was angry. I was angry with myself. I think I was angry with myself for allowing myself to get so drawn into it.   And it was really frustration speaking and it was disappointment speaking, really. Yeah, I sort of definitely hit the wall. And we had a Facebook page, which was our community around the search, and I wrote this post on 19th December 2016 (if you want to come to www.finderoflostthingspodcast.com, I'll put up the pieces that I wrote and all the references that I use in the shows within the show notes, so you can read the whole thing if you're interested).

(20:31):

But, yeah, I wrote this really raw, honest, and it's like painful to read - in some ways now, even still - about how I was feeling. And I just hit that ‘in-between’ stage, which I'm sure now you're thinking about some stage in your life where you felt like that. But [in amongst the desperation, the frustration and exhaustion], there were several things I had started to do, which were really helpful. So I was starting to show gratitude for what I did actually have. So rather than concentrating on what I didn't have, which was Christian still, I had a great group of friends around me. I had my kids, my husband and I was very grateful for where I was, which I hadn't really thought about before, but I had started to learn these things and I was like, I have to be grateful for what I do have.

(21:36):

It was almost like, at one point, I did actually think I was possibly going mad. So I really had to ground myself and really take control. It was like I had to do something for myself. Otherwise this was not going to end well. So yeah, I started showing gratitude for everything. I'd started my meditation and yoga practice as well. I'd also started journaling. And I think I had discovered tarot by then as well - I'll talk about those things that really helped me in another show - but I was also living in the now, like I was not concentrating on the past. I'd like had enough of everything. So I completely shut out the past and I wasn't even looking at the future. I had to completely and totally focus on like what was happening right in front of me.

(22:33):

Absolutely right in front of me. And a lot of that was, I was exhausted and I had to surrender, literally had to surrender. There was nothing else I could do. Absolutely nothing. And I was also starting to become more open-minded about spiritual practices because, I think I said in the first show, I was not spiritual at all, not at all. And if anyone had suggested I was going to be doing a show like this, where I'm talking about my spiritual practices and what I believe, I would have never ever, never ever thought about that. But I was gaining this new perspective on life and that was so helpful. Just lifting myself… I’m being shown that it was a first step… where I started to use my wings and to like rise up and actually see things from a different perspective. So we've talked before about this grief helmet and being in this grief cage where everything's very insular, it's very heavy and that's like a real effort, like trauma and grief is like an effort to keep with you. 

(24:00):

You do have a choice, which is difficult to hear. I hated hearing that. I was like ‘of course I don't have a choice!’ But you do have a choice: whether you want to stay with the grief helmet on and stay in the grief cage, you do have that choice. So, at that point I'd kind of reached total rock bottom. And I had gone, ‘Okay. I have to find help. I have to sort this out.’ So after a break, we went away for Christmas that year because we went up to Scotland where my husband's from, and I had a complete break from everything. And I woke up on the 28th of December 2016 and wrote ‘excited for no particular reason’. I wrote this in my diary. I felt like I was alive. I was buzzing again. And it was almost like I'd shed the skin and I'd rested over Christmas.

(24:53):

And I was like, ready again for action. So it was almost like that ‘in-between' time there. And then I started to look out for the signs. Cause I knew if I was feeling a bit better, I need to open up and look for signs. So there were three things that I saw. I read an amazing article by BJ Miller in the New York Times and this is the truth, or the thought, that was triggered in me: I have to use my experiences to inspire others, to talk on other's behalf. Almost like when you've been on the brink of stuff, it does give you an authority so people can see you've suffered. And then if you can come out of it, they're kind of like, Oh, okay. How did she do it? So that was in my mind. And I also read a post by this guy called Jon Morrow on his ‘Unstoppable’ blog in which he wrote about being unstoppable and he talked about taking the punch, accepting it, and then counterpunching.

(25:53):

And I thought for a long time, reflecting on what could my counter punch to this situation be. And then also I found a quote from Neil Gaiman’s ‘Make Good Art’ speech in which he says: “The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right.” Anyway, look, I read these articles. It was over a couple of days and every time I read something, my body started to get the chills. I mean I knew I had to find a way to counter punch and let my experiences so far be of use and help to other people. So I then, as I said before, you have to take action once you're hearing these truths.

(26:50):

So it was a case of rising up out of the situation and actually seeing the opportunities for co-creating, what could I co-create with others? How could I use all this to help other people? And I sat down and I actually wrote to Missing People charity and asked them if I could write them some articles which they agreed to. So this was still all ‘in-between’ time. This was the period when I was looking for something; I knew there was a purpose and it was all about building myself up and making connections with other people and really just doing what I loved and what I really loved that I'd forgotten was writing. It was kind of something which since having a family and children, I had really let go. 

(27:52):

But I'd been a writer for such a long time and it's how I express myself: it was my career and it still is my career, I guess. But writing and meeting people and being a journalist, finding the interesting stories, that’s what I loved exploring. So after writing a few things for ‘Missing People’, the charity in the UK, I then started writing about nature. I began a blog called ‘Nurtured by Nature’ and the tagline was ‘Connect, Explore, Flourish, Disperse.’ So, for me, nature at that point was my nurturing. So I would always go out into nature and I really use nature during my ‘in-between’ times, massively. And I started to write this blog about how nature was helping me with my mental health and also finding other stories from other people.

(28:59):

And I met this man called Steve Homewood, who was just down the road from me. And I got in touch with him about going on a nature walk with him in a place very close to where I live, but not somewhere I'd been before. And he was a bit wary at first because he doesn't normally take other people out with him when he goes for his nature walks, but he writes very passionately and takes beautiful photographs. But anyway, I asked if could I come along and he agreed - I never mentioned Christian and my search to him. So I'm just gonna tell you what happened - it’s a multi-layered story. So I met Steve and he immediately started to tell me this extraordinary story about his grandfather and the reason why he was/is so passionate about Nature. I'm just going to read to you what I wrote in the blog post, which you can read via the show notes, if you want. So this was Steve talking about his grandfather in the war.

(29:56):

“Grandad was in the RAF and his plane crashed into the jungle in Africa. He thought he was doomed (I’m getting chills now - he's probably here). He thought he was doomed after being injured and bitten by a snake, but he was found by a tribe of Pygmies. By sheer luck, Grandad was also short (at four foot eight), so they connected with him and looked after him. Because Granddad couldn't get back to his RAF base, he stayed with them for two and a half years and, during that time, the jungle Pygmies taught him everything they knew about living in the jungle and all about the animals and plants. 

When he finally came back to England, being in the jungle had been a life-changing experience for him. I was about 11 when he took me under his wing. I was only with him for about a year, but he passed on all the information he learned from the Pygmies so that I could understand and enjoy the countryside a bit better.

(30:50):

I took it all on board and I've carried his lessons in my head for the past 50 years. I wasn't sure that people would believe Granddad's story, but now, suddenly, seems the right time to start passing his knowledge onto others, especially youngsters, as Nature's had such a positive impact on my life.”

So, I’d never met the guy and this was the story he told me. And I had my son, Cameron, who was eight years old at the time with me, cause he wanted to come along. And Cameron was just like, wide-eyed listening to the story about this jungle. And anyway, Steve wanted to pass on his Granddad's lessons that he’d learnt from the Congo Pygmies. Steve’s grandad was called Harold Victor Mason and he was nick-named ‘Billy’, actually by Rudyard Kipling - yeah, there's another story there, but I won’t go down there now. Steve's granddad passed on three very important things and I want to pass them on to you because they are so important while we’re talking about the listening and being open and listening for the truths. So the three things that Steve passed on to us was: 

“Noise shouldn't come from you. It should come to you.”

 “Don't just hear things, really listen.”

“Don't just look at things, see them and understand what's going on.”

(32:15):

And we'd started our walk actually in the early evening and Steve’s granddad had always called the evening and the early morning “The Magic Hours”. It's really when the wind usually drops and the animals come out. So you, and he said, you mustn't make any noise louder than a whisper, otherwise you'll break the spell and scare all the animals away. So the last bit of that story, in terms of the granddad being in Africa… I said to Steve at the end of the day, do you know about my brother, because I hadn't even mentioned it to him. And he said, “Yes, I was so touched to hear about your brother. When I read about him, especially after my granddad was gone for so long. HE did not want to come back - as he was having a fine old time time - and he just couldn't phone anyone, or just walk out of the jungle… the Congo was a mad old place. He was there for the best part of three years and his mother and wife had no way of knowing where he was. But he reappeared. So live in hope, Hannah.” 

And that's what [Hannah tears up]… I don't know where that's coming from. So that was a gift that was given to me, like a truth that was given to me. Christian was still alive (in spirit, obviously, as we know now), and I was going to find him. And I was given that by Steve [and his Grandad] as a little gift for the fact that I'd been listening and I’d reacted to what I was being told - you know, meeting other people and getting stories from people and having that time in nature. And if I've got time [looking at her phone], I just want to share something which is actually happening now…

(34:07):

Steve told us, and showed us, the part of the river running through the town of Lewes is a muddy tidal river called the River Ouse and during the second week of February - no right now -  Steve showed us these fish called Thin-lipped Mullet which come in from the sea at this time. But he noticed thousands of these mullets congregating in clear water: in an icy-cold, chalk-filtered springwater that ran in from the River Winterbourne into the muddy Ouse. And he put his camera down into the water to have a look at these thousands of mullets and noticed that they were all injured in some way.

Speaker 1 (35:11):

So they'd either been bitten by seals, were covered in fungal infections, or they had lamprays hitching a lift on them. And he kind of continued to observe them over a couple of weeks and he saw the fish staying in this spring water until their wounds were healed, like until they were back to fitness. So it's almost like they had a rest from their usual lifecycle and they just stayed in this clear water and they got their healing. And then they returned back into the muddy Ouse and then went out to sea. And this was something that nobody else had seen. And Steve just being Steve - he’s such a beautiful man - he just listened and really saw things and took the time to really understand them. And when you see… I’m getting something here… it's like, when you see truths, it takes a while to understand them. Sometimes, you'll get information, which just isn't clear. Okay. It takes time to understand truths. It takes patience to unwrap them, to understand from other people's points of view. It's like that lifting yourself up and out of a situation, so you can see others' point of view and you can also see the things that aren't true that you thought were true. Like, what is an illusion? What are you telling yourself; a story about something that actually isn't true?

(37:02):

There's an awful lot of that that goes on; an awful lot. Understanding and clarity is what comes out of truth and truth really does set you free. It really does. There's something coming in at the moment…what else is coming in? It's very strong. As I say, there'll be a truth that will actually be uncovered.(37:50):

Taking the risk. There's a lot about taking a risk and being in stillness. There's so much time we rush around, we keep being - very busy - and there's just no space to hear the truth. And I was really good at it, really good at not hearing the truth; we did that for years, not wanting to hear the truth. But these times really are like a gift. These times - these ‘in-between’ times - really are a gift. 

So I had this time with Steve, which was beautiful, and I was then able to step back and realise that I had been listening to a lot of people. I had not been listening to myself… this is the thing that was coming through… I knew how to heal myself. I knew what I needed. I just had to sit in stillness and hear it and allow it to come in. And as I said before, there's a lot here about… like the intention to heal. 

I do have something (which I haven’t got with me right here) but I had a whole meditation or ritual downloaded to me for setting an intention. And it's about 15 minutes, this whole ritual that I spoke.

(39:44):

If you really want to find what's next in your life, what truth you need to hear, what you need to uncover - the scales need to come away from your eyes - what do you really need to see? You have to set the intention and really allow it. There's no point in saying, I want to know… whatever it is you want to know, whatever you want to find, whatever you feel you're missing. There's no point in just saying it sort of flippantly. Like you really have to mean it. It has to be coming from the heart. And it has to be a real,

(40:45):

like all-enveloping need to know, a need to have it revealed. And then there's an element of then surrendering it. For example, if I continually was searching for Christian, which I was for those eight months, I was so attached to finding him, so attached to finding him. I actually in the end had to totally detach myself from finding him. So I'd put the intention out - I mean I was so clear and the whole Universe knew I was going to get Christian, but I had to detach from that. I had to step back. I had to surrender it. I didn't know how I was going to find him. I didn't know how it was best to find him. If that makes sense. I didn't know what was best for me at that point: the Universe and Source and all my guides knew way better than me what I actually needed and how this was going to pan out, the process and what I needed to know before I stepped into each next level.

(42:17):

So it's a progression and I know Ursula [from the last episode] will laugh if she's listening to this, because I always say trust in the process; you have to trust in the process. It really is a process. So it's a case of making your intention and then it's surrendering that, knowing that as long as you stay open and you listen and you receive what you're being given, which is help and support, and act on that help and support, you will be going in the right direction. Just trust yourself, as well. When we were talking about how you receive - so whether you're hearing something, whether you’re seeing something or you're feeling something - like really do trust those things that you're receiving. And once you have detached from the end result, that's like when the magic can start to happen.

(43:23):

I did a meditation this morning actually - there are things that I want to share with you here, which I'm not going to this week, but I will in future weeks because I set things in motion this week, which will definitely work out in a few week’s time - but I did this meditation this morning and I could see a plait being plaited. If I think about going back to 2016, the complete rock bottom point for me that I shared, I could never imagine what has happened since then. You know, I thought it was just going to be finding Christian; we would somehow sort of sought our relationship out; and then we’d… I didn't really know. I certainly didn't think I would find him in spirit, that we would go and do trance mediumship to find all his lost story and then end up doing what we're doing now. I mean, that was never in my thinking. So even what you think that you want to happen, you have to detach from that so that what actually is going to happen can come in. Because if you're so fixed on an idea, you never allow the possibility of the ‘impossible things’ happening.

(44:55):

Just imagine, if you're listening to this and you're wanting to find your missing pieces - whatever those things are, whatever they might be - and you're thinking, ‘right, if I found everything, I would be able to do this…’ Like you would set your intention. ‘This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to find all my missing pieces. And this is what I'm going to do once I'm fully whole, this is what I'll be able to do.’ Setting that intention is fine. And that's all you can do at that point. And that's the other point actually, isn't it - when you were in the ‘in-between’ time, you're always in the right place. Even when you look back, like I look back now at everything that's happened and there can be some self-blame there - why didn't I do this? why didn't I do that? why did it take so long? why did I listen to other people when I should have been listening to myself?’ All of those things are completely irrelevant, really, because you just need to know that you were in the right place at the right time.

(46:14):

Everything happens in the right time. The right people will come into your life when you need them - they might even trigger you, they might rub up badly against you (and that’s a truth to be reflected upon, you know) You're always going to meet the right people for you, at the right time. And as that note in our book said, you know, you'll meet the right people just when you need them. 

(46:59):

There’s also something here… if you go from some sort of drama or some sort of trauma or something happened, you have a lull in the ‘in-between’ time where you reflect and you grow and you expand yourself and then you're ready for the next step. So then else happen: something big happens, some drama or some trauma or some sort of big result, but you will always be given the support group to help you move on up. And once you're up there or you've moved or you've expanded or you've grown, somehow there will be this time where you have to start integrating things. It's like suddenly being given a bigger job, something like that, you then have to get used to the new before something else can happen. We were talking about this last week with Ursula, about the newness of her not having the grief cage and the grief helmet around her any longer; that lightness she feels and getting used to that feeling of lightness.

(48:21):

So when you have a drama, or a trauma, or some event happening, you react don't you. So you're either going to fight, you’re going to flee or you're going to freeze or just like flow. Now I would just sort of take it in my stride and just flow with it, because that's what you need to do. You know you're being challenged, you're being tested and just trust. Just trust what you're being asked to do: if you have something big happening, you are ready to do it. It's like starting to do these podcasts. I know I'm ready to do them, but there's still those few minutes before I come on here live when I think: ‘Oh, am I actually ready to do this?’

(49:23):

You are ready to do it. When things come up for you and opportunities come up for you, take them. Do take risks. Do take the opportunities And you will find your way, okay? You are ready to do these things. So just keep being open. Keep hearing those truths, keep reflecting and keep flowing. I'm going to read you another little thing. I hope we've got time… also from this ‘Lost & Found’ book. This is the last letter I was given, which is all about flow. And like in these ‘in-between’ times, you might feel an element of frustration, you might feel an element of anger about things not happening as you want them to happen, but you really do need to flow with what's happening. It's like the more you fight, the more you try and swim against things happening, which I used to do all the time, you know, it's just exhausting. And it doesn't work because when you're being challenged or you've got something new happening for you, it's like you have to just flow through it and come out the other side. And you either release things that you no longer need or you just learn from your mistakes and you learn and take all the good stuff that you did learn forward with you. So this is really a process of growth and expansion.

(51:05):

That's all the ‘in-between’ stages are really about, but it's not obvious. And I used to get really angry - I had no patience. I think one of the biggest things I've learned in this whole journey is patience. I don't think we're good with being told to wait; we want everything very much like now. And if we’re bad at that, as my generation, I think patience is something that the next generation are really going to have to learn. I’m talking about my kids at the moment, but that patience… I mean, it might be very boring. A lot of this ‘in-between’ stage work is actually boring because it's almost like plodding along - for goodness sake, when is something going to happen? 

(52:02):

But you just keep taking those small little steps and eventually things will start to happen. But I'm just going to read you this about flow. “Ease, grace, style and sass! That's how to flow; well, the essential elements of, anyway. Flow is all about being in the moment, in the NOW. Look at what's around you, and within you, and react accordingly. There is no room for hesitation here; you just need to let go and watch and react. If you hit turbulence, all you have to do is look at the situation, and the people involved, with love, compassion, and, if necessary, understanding and forgiveness. Flow is all about moving freely and reacting without fear or judgment. Flow is about avoiding when it feels right to do so, but to not be scared to hit things head on when they arise - procrastination or denial has no place on this slope down - allow and accept what is happening. See gratitude for happenings rather than seeing frustration, anger, and fear arise. Every event/person you meet on the slope will be there to help you - things happen for you, not to you. Flow is all natural and unforced. Ebb and flow. Just sit tight and trust you're supported.”

(53:26):

So, I hope that helps in some ways, in these times. I think next week is on 15th of January, just after Valentine's Day on the 14th, so I highly suspect the subject will be love. And that won't be a romantic love at all; that will be - we're almost going back to the first episode where we were talking about fierce love - the fierce love, unconditional love… and that’s a lot different to conditional love. Anyway, I hope that's maybe helped you navigate those times when things don't really seem to be moving. And if you want to know more, I’ll put up all the sections that I've read this evening and all the references I mentioned at www.finderoflostthingspodcast.com. And if you've got any feedback, if you've got any questions I'd love to hear from you. 

(54:30):

I think we're still in a sort of clearing cycle at the moment, in terms of the seasons, so there's still a lot of things that are going to come up for you at the moment - it’s the truths and removing the illusions. So yeah, cleansing time and planting these new seeds. Okay. Well, lots of love. It's been lovely to talk at you for an hour [Hannah laughs] and I'll see you next week. Lots of love. Bye-bye.